"Mark has got his work, Mark lives in his work, Mark's in love with his work.
Mark hides in his work.

From what?

From facing your failure, facing your loneliness, facing the fact you live a lie
Yes, you live a lie tell you why you're always preaching not to be numb.
When that's how you thrive you pretend to create and observe when you really detach from feeling alive"

You yell at me and tell me life is waiting for me. Why should I give into life of
boxes
lies
rules
rushing into things I'm not ready for.
You follow the path of least resistance, afraid to fall and afraid to learn. You see life as planned and controlled. If something goes wrong, it'll forever goes wrong. If it goes right, it'll forever be right. Life isn't that stagnent. We see life differently, why can't you see that? I'm trying not to change you and I don't want you to change me. So what's going to happen now?

"Perhaps because I'm the one of us to survive."
"Poor baby."

It's not our strengths that define us. It's not our personalities or how we dress. Our fears and our insecurities define us. They control us. I told you mine and I'm starting to figure out yours. What's funny is that it once used to be my fear too. Life does not begin and end with one failure. It does not end with a fight.

"You don't want baggage without life time garruntees."

Glory. One blaze of glory. I have to find what I'm searching for. No one seems to understand that. It's cuz they ask what I'm searching for.. and I can't give an answer. How can I search for somemthing if I don't know what I'm searching for? Heh. I think I'm searching for understanding. Isn't that ironic?

My goals are dreams. Can you chase me while I chase them? I'm ready to give up everything for them. What can you give? How long can you keep up? Yea, life is better when you know someone's there for you... but not at the price of unquenchable love. You always joke that you always loved me more than I loved you. Is there some truth in that statement? You will always give me, take me, love me, work more. We both know it.. we just won't admit it.

"You don't want to watch me die."

You don't want to watch me fulfill my dreams.

"Good bye Love
Just came to say Goodbye Love."


I have to find...

I don't know what to do. I'm not happy. I tried escaping and it didn't work. Now I'm stuck again. Grrr... Emo poetry time!

Oh, how my heart bleeds regret
Life chains me to a moving train
That's speeding for a steep cliff


LAME! At least give me kudos for attempation, ne?

But really now, things are not turning out for the better so I have to see what time reveals to make a decision.

Mmm... I need models for my new project (art-wise). I went to a portfolio counselling session... and let's just say it wasn't pretty. So I need to revamp my style.

So yes, my life sucks right now. But that's okay. Wanna know why? Cuz I think in the long run, I'll be much more happy. So I'm waiting for that happy time to come around (3:00-5:00pm at your local bar!).

What's the deep thought of the day?
head over to http://gijits-world.livejournal.com/
it's my creative page. wee

Happy thought? I wanna hang out more with my friends. I need help from them. And support. But of course, people's true colors are showing now.

Jen, I still love you! Let's get married sometime. lol. Or just hang out.

James, tell me your devilish plan, dang it!

Peace out!

Yea.. JD and I are back together again. The circumstances I'm not too sure about.

I have ten million thoughts running through my head and I can't seem to get them out... without fearing the consequences.

What is the meaning of life? Did God really have a sense of humor when he created the platypus? Why do the ducks run everytime they see me move?

Actually, my thoughts are more serious than that. I fear of losing something great, in two senses.

Yes, am I talking riddles again? Good. It means I can clear my mind and confuse yours. Wee.

Later dayz.

It's been a long time since I've ever recorded anything into this journal. But I guess I'm starting up again. Let's go over major stuff.

I graduated. Wolfie Senior graduate. Yay. (I'd still rather be an Eagle)

I quit my jo lifeguarding. Now I only make drinks at your local Barnes and Nobles.

Matt came back from the military. I seem to be the only one that trusts him now (though he said a very arrogant comment that I'm not happy about right now).

College started. I'm taking three classes a week. I really should bump it up to five times a week. I'm getting lazy.

I'm working towards getting an art career started. My goal is to get a seat at the Gasparilla Arts Festival for 2008 (I think it's too late for 2007). Or have people commission me.

JD and I broke up. We're still good friends. But for right now we're seperate.

I got a puppy. Her name is Sunki and she's a Wolfdog. She is MY baby and I love her to death.

Annnnd my group of friends dwindles to Jd, Kayte, Jynell, Matt (military), Matt (B&N regular), and work friends. Oh, Jenna, my beloved fiance too. Mindy's not my friend.

Annnd yea. There's my oh-so-exciting life. I'll probably be posting more creative stuff here. Or have another journal designed for that. Yea.. maybe another journal. Hmmm.. whatever.

Peace out.

It's midnight, I have school tomorrow, and I'll be waking up at 5am to start my rounds.

You don't know how tempted I am to say "screw it" to exam exemptions, since I'll only be taking two of them anyways, and just skip a day this week. I have two different illnesses, Kingdom Hearts 2 (which I wanna play) and a ton of homework I still have to catch up on. But basically, all I want to do right now is sleep, which I can't cuz I'm coughing and irritated, so I'm stuck awake working on some homework.

Luckily I don't have to work til Wednesday. But still, I don't want to go to school.

Curse it for only having 20 days (or so) left. I want it done now.

And Prom's Saturday. I wanna be better for that. Bleh.

Yes, yes, I'm complaining, but I haven't been in an overly good mood right now anyways. Bleh.

This week has been a very busy week. Literally, no time for even sleep.

Monday - School, work til midnight
Tuesday - School, work til midnight
Wednesday - School, work til 9, then homework
Thursday - School, work til midnight
Today - running errands

You know what's worse? JD gave me his strep throat. So now I'm sick for our 4 day weekend. Bleh.

And just to make things oh, so better, my brother unplugged everything on the back of my computer so I have to waste my time trying to plug it all back in. I get everything done but the sound, which is the reason why I turned on the computer in the first place!! Gr!

Now I think I'm just going to go lie down and rest some more until it's time to run my errands.

Reason I haven't been able to reply to posts and emails:

Work and School.

I have school 5 days a week and work 5 days a week too. Next week I work 6 days.


I'm gonna die.

And Tyler says JD's gonna break up with me. T.T He's so mean! But completely hilarious too. Stupid bastard (that doesn't count for Tyler cuz he always calls me whore or bitch).

And Summa was nice. He gave me an extention on my homework. So... four projects due monday, plus my outline, and I have to start on my economics lesson. Thrilling.

Love to everyone.

So yea... Saw White Noise last night at JD's house. Now I'm scared, thinking ghosts are going to get me at every corner... even though I know ghosts don't exsist. It was still a creepy movie.

And it does NOT have a happy ending, despite what your boyfriend tells you.

Have you ever noticed that red roses die in the most beautiful color?


They die in the color of blood.


And that's what makes them beautiful.

Military Ball was great for those of you who knew I went.

Right now I'm so glad we're on Spring Break otherwise I'd probably be missing a few days of school. I might have to miss a few days of work.

We'll see how things go.